The love is in the details

Kasia and Dan's Wedding - 4-11-15


I LOVED making the wedding favors for this couple's wedding this past weekend.  I've always said the "love is in the details", and I felt priveleged to be able to provide one of the details of love for their wedding.  This is a couple who didn't meet until their late 30's; they are blessed to have found one another, and their wedding was a deep reflection of the love they feel for each other.  It was a beautiful wedding, a fun reception, and a weekend of surprises.  

The minister who married them talked a lot about the "details" - about the importance of taking care of one another and putting the needs of the other first in your relationship.  He encouraged the men to be men - to be leaders in the family, and that no successful man exists without a strong woman to support him.  In our modern day world of equality and strong women and "doing it all",   I think the beauty of this ebb and flow in a relationship is sometimes lost.  I think, as Leo Buscaglia says (one of my cookie box quotes in fact), "we all need each other".   It's often hard to be vulnerable - to NEED another human being. Sometimes life makes this necessary, however, and this truth was evidenced in my relationship experience this weekend.  

Robb (LOML not my husband bc I'm still afraid of marriage failure given my track record) woke up early Saturday morning - Kasia and Dan's wedding day.  We had a wonderful Friday night on the town in Savannah, GA (GREAT meal at Local 1110), laughter with friends, and the anticipation of a beautiful wedding in such a lovely place the next day.  Robb realized his phone was dead and got up to go across hotel room to plug it in so he could check the Angels score (one of my pet peeves is that first thing in the morning phone usage......but hey - no one's perfect).  As he got up, he forgot that the boxes of cookie favors were on the floor next to the bed.  In the dark (so as not to wake me and alert me to his predawn phone checking habit), he stumbled over the boxes and fell forward into a wooden ledge  - landing WHAM on his ribcage.  I won't repeat the words screamed nor can I replicate the sounds of agony that escaped his mouth.  I sat up thinking the room was on fire only to find him writhing in agony next to me on the bed.   I think we immediately knew he had broken SOMETHING, but at the moment he was dealing with regaining his breath.   I haven't knocked the wind out of myself since childhood, but it's a feeling you never forget.  

We debated - Urgent Care or ER?  We found an urgent care on line that was walkable - he WANTED to walk - he seemed somehow better when up and moving.  We had to walk SLOWLY - a new pace for both of us.  Robb, in fact, often curses the "slow walkers" - you know the type - the ones that just amble along as if going nowhere anytime soon.    We were forced to be "slow walkers"....and what a lovely walk we had!   I was nursing a bit of a two martini hangover but I knew I couldn't complain given the circumstances, so I was good with the slower pace myself.    The trees and azaleas were in full bloom.  The historic district of Savannah is comprised of multiple architectural styles - Federal, Georgian, Gothic -we took note of the homes, the businesses, the windows, the porches, the balconies.  We discussed how fun it would be to renovate one of the "jewels in the rough" - crumbling homes left in disrepair over the years.  We walked through an old cemetery- Colonial Cemetery - where we saw that 700 people that died of yellow fever were buried there in 1820.   We looked at headstones covered in moss with inscriptions rubbed off over the last century.  We noticed all of these details - talked about these details - admired the Spanish moss hanging from the live oaks - giving the final resting place of these people an eerie, other worldly quality.   My point in mentioning all of these details is just that - we NOTICED the details.  Had we been on our normal uber fast walking "let's get to where we are going quickly" pace, we would have missed it all.  How much do we miss every day - rushing from here to there and cramming too much into our already crowded calendars? 

We finally made it to the urgent care - only to realize it was a bit rough around the edges and didn't take insurance, so we called a cab to take us to a more established (i.e. clean) urgent care 4 miles away.  As we waited for the cab, a wave of post martini nausea swept over me - suddenly making me crabby and grouchy and disgusted with the whole situation.  I was disappointed that the day of leisure we had planned was NOT going to happen.  I had envisioned a long lunch with a "hair of the dog" mimosa or two, maybe reading a book, taking a nap, possibly a massage?  It's not often we have a day free of responsibilities - I was ready to embrace it!   Alas, our leisurely day took the form of "resting" in an emergency room; poor Robb just miserable, difficulty moving, difficulty breathing....feeling helpless and hopeless and probably a bit frightened (they had mentioned internal bleeding as a possibility - I know that freaked ME out!) - waiting for this test, that test, this blood work, that doctor...... I finally had to go back to the hotel (I had cookies to deliver to the wedding planner!), returned with some food from the local health food store (what exactly IS Chia pudding??? - got some just to try it) only to discover Robb wasn't allowed to eat.  I felt a little selfish scarfing down my turkey avocado sandwich and gluten free dairy free chocolate cookies (who knew? delicious!....might have to try to make those!) in the car before going inside, but I needed to be the STRONG one after all - and the last thing I needed to be in this situation was HANGRY.  

As it turns out, this wasn't so easy for Robb.  It's not easy to let someone else be the strong one when you are used to being the strong one.  I think he had a lot going through his head that day (we talked about later), and it's what caused me to write this blog post about needing one another - about being there for someone when they need you and harder yet, ACCEPTING the help when you are the one that needs it.  I've never been very good at this either - so I fully understand him.  However, I NEEDED to help him.  I NEEDED to show my love for him by helping him however I could. And, let's face it, two broken ribs, lots of internal and external bruising,  and a whole lot of PAIN - he NEEDED help.  Since then we've laughed about me tying his shoes, helping him out of bed, etc.....but I know he's not laughing that hard on the inside.  OR the outside - laughing is quite painful with two broken ribs!  But the reality is, he needs me.  He needs to slow down, admire the headstones and Spanish moss of our lives, and be helped.  

I made it to the wedding - Robb, a bit loopy on painkillers,  got suited up, looked extremely handsome in spite of his pain, and made it to the reception - briefly.  I was so happy to see him and so sad to know he was miserable.  He is my hero though - he always shows up for me; one of the many reasons I love him.  NOW - he needs to let me show up for him while he heals.  I can fetch him drugs, tie his shoes, help him get dressed, make him dinner, pull him up out of his chair, and smooch him.   So, the moral of my story.  Slow down.  Notice the details.  Relax.  Be taken care of when you need it.  

The love is, after all, in the details.  


"Love is life.  And if you miss love, you miss life."

-Leo Buscaglia