I love the morning time. The 5:30 am time when no one is awake. When I can sit outside on the porch with my soft hanging lights and candles glowing and drink my coffee and ponder life. The time when I can read or pray or write and no one interrupts. The time where I can think about the day to come and plan a course of action. The time when I can just stop. And listen to the crickets and cicadas and other strange creature noises. There’s not enough of this time in our ever busy world full of schedules and alarms and reminders and meetings and to do lists. I love the feel of a deep belly breath. The breath is so powerful when we take time to come back to it.
Damn I am grateful. I’m grateful for my independence. I’m grateful for my health. I’m grateful for so many wonderful people in my world. I’m grateful for what lies ahead. I’m grateful I can open my house to friends needing an oasis from the storm. I’m grateful people feel comfortable to show up at my front door with a bottle of wine and a story to tell. I’m grateful for options in life. I’m grateful for hot coffee. I’m grateful for people who help me with things I can’t do on my own (like change the water filter in my refrigerator or look for squirrels in my attic!) I’m grateful for hugs from my dog; she’s a lean in sort of girl. I’m grateful I can do what I want, go where I want, see who I want. I’m grateful for my strength. And my softness. I’m grateful my heart is still gentle after being damaged. I’m grateful the universe continues to take care of me. I’m grateful for new people entering my life every day; everyone has something to add. I’m grateful I am embracing my life just as it is. In this moment. Right now.
In every day lies an opportunity to connect, to love, to embrace, to empower someone else. Which, in turn, empowers me. I feel abundantly loved at this point in time; and just a few weeks ago I felt abandoned and angry and alone. It all changed when my mindset changed. When i let go and stopped trying to “manage” things. Everything happens exactly as it is supposed to. It’s hard to remember this in the throes of anxiety or disappointment or grief. Control really is an illusion. Resistance really is futile. Life really is full of ups and downs and mostly goodness. How fortunate I am to be able to say this! In spite of setbacks I may have encountered, I am fortunate beyond measure.
I have so many really incredible people in my life. I think of the love and support I have gotten from them, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I think of the stories and laughter and tears that have been shared with my people over the years. Where would I be without them? I sometimes beat myself up over not being able to sustain a successful marriage. But then I think of all the wonderful relationships/friendships I HAVE been able to sustain….and I am at peace with it all. We all need each other. (Leo Buscaglia) It’s one of my favorite cookielove quotes.