Sundays always make me happy. They always make me want just one more Sunday, in fact. I think our weeks should go Mon-Friday, Saturday. Sunday. Sunday. There’s something about Saturdays that are still kind of busy - unwinding, getting chores done, still in the “to do” mode from the week. But Sundays, ah. I’m sitting in the woman cave this morning just listening to the symphony of birds singing outside - it’s glorious. It’s all the church one needs I think. It makes me grateful to live where I live, nestled underneath the ancient magnolias and pecan and oak trees, wedged between dogwoods and azaleas and camellias and gardenia bushes.
Sipping on my cup of coffee this morning, I think of how very very lucky I am to be healthy, employed, with most of my family, and surrounded by more books than I will ever actually finish. That was a goal of mine during this coronavirus time (I set so many goals early on during this!)- start reading allll the books! I have a bad habit of reading ABOUT a book I might l like and then immediately downloading or buying the hardcopy from Amazon. Yet, I don’t actually read that much everyday (focus seems to be a challenge during this time), so they are certainly piling up. I will get there. In the beginning with corona I took a deep breath and felt a sense of contentment around the slowing down of life. I have been running so fast over the last few years - both in my career and in my personal life, knowing that I’m not going to live forever. How do I do all the things I want to do? How do I see all the things I want to see? Now, as the weeks add up to months, I vacillate internally between contentment and utter frustration. I love my home, I love the people in it, but I long for alone time. I long for travel. I long for visiting someplace new. I long for beaches and cobblestoned streets and ancient castles and wine that tastes and smells like the dirt of the country its grown in. I long for dinners with friends and work meetings where I can look people in the eyes, read body language, and laugh together in person. I long to run an errand! I long to do long runs with my entire running group - a group of 5 women that I adore! I miss a girls’ weekend where we laugh and drink wine and escape reality for a couple of days. I long for date night with Robb and a great martini served at a bar followed by a casual walk on the Atlanta Beltline which would be SWARMING with people. It’s a weird feeling driving down streets with no traffic and NOT seeing groups of people hanging out and laughing and enjoying one another’s company. I live in a vibrant city and part of what makes it so vibrant are the people! I miss that. I long to hug Zach - he’s been living in another city and I got to see him yesterday at a social distance family picnic (yay!), but I didn’t get to hug him. That was tough.
I long for headlines that don’t involve thousands of people dying, the overwhelm of hospitals, and the insanity of our government. I think, like everyone else, I just want to feel a sense of “what was” again. I sometimes feel a little guilty for my cravings of normalcy; I lead a privileged life - not everyone does, and I am acutely aware of that. My problems or wishes pale in comparison to so many who are ill or who are now just struggling to survive. I love the “how can we help” mentality that has been born of this crisis, I love the neighbors helping neighbors, the “drive by” birthday parties where kids show their friends they are still thinking of them; still caring for them. I love that restaurants are supporting healthcare workers and each other. I love the home cooked meals and the walks. I love the closeness that has somehow developed through the “distancing”. But, I don’t love the distance.
I can’t wait to travel again. I can’t wait to plan a trip, anticipate a trip, and then BE in a new place exploring all of the nooks and crannies - the touristy stuff, the local stuff, all of it. I will not take it for granted again, this I know. My normal has always involved a hefty sense of gratitude, as does my “new normal” during Covid-19, but the list of things I’m grateful for looks different. I don’t know what our new world will look like post Covid (the idea of masks and distancing and separation makes me cringe), but I DO know I will be extremely grateful for all the things I took for granted in the past. I DO know that the next time I board an airplane or get in my car or meet with a group of people, I will look at it differently. The next time I get to hug someone NOT living in my home will be one of the best days ever.