I’m on my second “alonecation” since the pandemic. In a normal year, I spend a lot of time on the road for work - TOO much time, really. However, I have realized during this time at home just how good it is to have a little time away. It’s important to have time to capture your own thoughts, to do your own thing, to not hear other people breathing and chewing, to MISS people, and to just have a change of scenery. I love my people dearly - but I also love some time alone. I’m an only child; that may have something to do with it. My friends with multiple siblings or who enjoy people around all the time look at me like I’m a nut job when I say I’m heading out for an “alonecation”. They wonder if my relationship is ok, if I’m struggling with something, or if I’m just selfish. It makes me giggle a little bit because the time alone is what helps me keep it all together. The time alone is what allows me to go 100 miles an hour, juggle so many things, multitask like a mofo, and keep going like the energizer bunny. I’ve discovered in my old(er) age that I am an extroverted introvert. I love being around people -until I don’t. The being around people these days includes zoom meeting after zoom meeting - same thing, even less satisfying.
I’ve decided to commit to an alonecation each quarter; especially now that I can work from anywhere. I can take my work with me and/or take time off or just enjoy a weekend. Either way, it grounds me. It makes me remember who I am. I get to spend every second of every day dong exactly what I want to do. Last night involved watching a really bad Hallmark movie type show on Netflix - with a great glass of wine (or two). Today involved reading poetry, running, making myself a beautiful breakfast and drinking 5 (!) cups of coffee. I enjoyed a solitary sunrise on the beach. I enjoyed watching the light flicker over the dunes. I watched a cargo ship pass a solitary sailboat on the horizon. (I wonder what it felt like to be on that little boat in the wake of that giant ship!) In my day to day world, I never get to think about these things. I never get the huge chunks of creative time where I can fill my soul with poetry, my body with exactly what I want to eat when I want to eat it, and my mind with random thoughts that have the space to live and breathe without interruption. I think that’s really part of it. When we are all sharing one space, it’s hard to not interrupt or be interrupted by others. I may be deep in thought…and the dog barks, the doorbell rings, someone asks me a question, or my teenager demands food yet again —-didn’t I JUST MAKE FOOD and clean the kitchen five minutes ago?
I struggle with the mom guilt a bit - but then I remember I have been mothering for 27 years….it’s ok to have a few days alone. I’m pretty sure I’ve earned it. I’m pretty sure marriages could be saved, fights stopped, and relationships healed if everyone took the time that they need. I am so grateful that my husband (still not used to that after 7 years of “partner”) just gets me. He sent me off with chocolate and cheese and crackers and flowers - knowing I would return happy and whole - knowing I’m not escaping him; I”m finding me. Weird that it took me 50 years to discover this about myself.
I went to Tulum with a friend four years ago; we each appreciate our alone time, got separate rooms, and had a great time together and separately. I met a group of women on that trip - the place I stayed was having a “bikini bootcamp” - imagine work out meets meditation meets massage meets healthy living. This group of women (and one man) was a super interesting bunch of people, and we loved sharing a meal with them and dipping our toe in their bootcamp with an occasional yoga class and massage. (we didn’t partake in the multiple workouts a day; unless you consider multiple glasses of sauvignon blanc and ceviche in the late afternoon to be a workout….). I like balance like that. Anyway, one of the women was there by herself; most of the others were paired up with friends or partners. At first I thought - oh that’s sad, she’s all alone. Then she told me she takes at least one “alone moon” a year - to reconnect with herself and do what she wants without the influence/wants/needs of other people. WOW. I thought to myself - she is ON TO SOMETHING. How many times have I been on a vacation and wished for just a little time to myself? I have since incorporated this into my life plan. It has been without a doubt one of the best gifts I’ve ever given myself.
My traveling alone started several years ago with a trip to Paris - read about it in previous post “just four days in Paris”. I spent a few days in the cutest little apartment under the redwoods in my favorite place - Mill Valley, CA. I read poetry and ate sourdough and went for long hikes. I spent a long weekend in Highlands, NC - listening to albums (went home and bought a record player!), enjoying local art, wine tasting at the wine shoppe, reading books, smelling fresh mountain air, reading and writing. Now I’m on Tybee Island, GA - a tiny little rustic island four hours from Atlanta in an adorable little beach cottage. I had a day of work which somehow seemed more fun in a new location, drank some wine, ate some delicious takeout (pandemic….the people here don’t seem to take it that seriously, so just staying in), and listened to music by the pool in the adorably landscaped backyard. I did some yoga on the screened in porch, and now I’m sitting outside writing with the music blaring. I’d feel guilty about blaring it with neighbors around; however, since they were running a tile saw (imagine loud screech every 5 minutes for about 20 seconds) until midnight last night….I’m not too concerned about annoying them. At least the music is a pleasant sound!
Somehow all the little signs of wonder are so much more obvious when I’m alone like this. I notice the birds on the beach - varying kinds, large and small, graceful as they take flight together…. I notice the words to the songs I’m listening to, I’m in touch with the aches and pains in my body and stretch accordingly, and I am present with the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of the beauty right in front of me. I notice the pretty fabric on the slipcover, the colorful accessories placed around this house, the sand between my toes. I will attempt to weave this into my real world at home - the wonder right in front of me. I don’t even realize I’ve forgotten to do this until I’m away.
Goals today - bike ride around island, read, maybe drive into Savannah for an early dinner, a little wine, and a fire in the fire pit tonight. I imagine I will wind up watching the really really bad TV show I am somehow sucked in to when I tuck myself into bed tonight. I’m hoping the screeching next door stops a little earlier (maybe I will add buy earplugs to my to do list).
Tomorrow morning I will awaken for the sunrise, enjoy a long walk on the beach, drink a few cups of coffee, and then I will head home, reunite with the people I love so much, and breathe a little easier having leaned into me and having scratched the itch of a little bit of travel. Here’s the playlist I’ve been listening to - ENJOY! (and take an alonecation —- it will change your life!)
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7nj0kCr5i1emcwGzHfAkR4?si=GPphs4PeTeqMEdjac0dS9w