Maybe it’s been April Fool’s Day for the past month. I feel like I’m living in a weird tv show or something. While some things in my life haven’t changed at all, EVERYTHING feels so different. So heavy in some strange way. There are a lot of things that are still the same though - a lot of things that still make me feel normal. The sun is still rising. The birds still singing. The birds start singing around 6:20; I keep waking up earlier and earlier, so I’m noticing the time. I imagine it’s just as a little bit of light starts to filter through the darkness. It still looks dark to me, but the birds must sense the change in pressure of the sun starting to rise. I hear an ambulance in the background behind the birds; I think of all of the healthcare workers out helping people, whether it’s Covid 19 or some other type of distress. That’s the problem with the normal…right when you think about what is normal, you remember that life has been turned upside down. I still am trying to find beauty in the “upside down”. There are things I will take away from this time that are lovely. The video zoom meetings, for example! We’ve had this technology all along, yet chose to do conference calls with audio only. I feel so much closer to my team on video! I love the intermix of family and barking dogs and all the things that make us whole humans mixed in with work. It takes authentic leadership to a whole new level. I like this part. I miss hugging people, however. I like a good virtual happy hour - been having these with friends and family, but it’s definitely not as good as an in person cocktail with hugs and close proximity to humans. When I go out for a run - as I do most days (until my body says - ouch, no more, you need to take a break and do some yoga!) - I try to catch people’s eye as I move an appropriate six feet away from them. I try to smile or nod or wave - seeking that interconnectedness that gets crippled by fear. It’s so unnatural to move AWAY from people on the sidewalk. It feels so rude. l think that’s the bottom line. We are being forced to behave in ways that are completely against our human nature. In an effort to preserve life. Strange.
That’s how I ‘m feeling today. And then reminding myself to bring it back to what I CAN control - which is simply all that I am grateful for and all that is good in this moment. Today’s list
cooler temperatures - makes for better running
more time to spend with Wilson while he is home schooling
hot delicious coffee this morning
an early morning text from a new friend (someone I work with that I have never met, but met through a mutual project - #winning #BINGO…make a new friend)
a new playlist on Spotify suggested by Morning Brew in my email this morning
(try both Morning Brew for a summation of news AND Cigarettes after Sex- the spotify playlist of calm mellow tunes)
always the birdsong - a joyous symphony right outside my window
some early morning Sun Salutations
Emily coming for dinner tonight (missing my big kids so much; need to zoom zach in)
Health - always the health.