I love words. Turns out there’s a word for that - logophile. I’ve been scrolling through Pinterest this morning (as I often do), reading quotes, checking out interior design trends, looking for new plant based recipes and just perusing all kinds of things. I’ve come across a whole slew of words and their definitions, so of course I had to start a new “favorite words” board; someday I will do something with them, just like alllll the other Pinterest boards I’ve created. Anyway, I came across a word this morning that I didn’t know existed - Onism. It means “awareness of how little of the world you will ever experience”. This is something I have felt my entire life, but had no idea there was a word for it. It’s all the more bittersweet during this time of quarantine. It’s all the more bittersweet knowing the clock is ticking on my life, and it is narrowing the gap of time I have to see the world.
Obviously we are doing the right thing by staying in, protecting ourselves and everyone else from the spread of this virus. I’m not one of those silly protesters; this is so much bigger than me and I realize that. At the same time, I feel a little sadness over it. I also know that I will appreciate the sweetness of seeing a new place and experiencing new things all the more when I’m able to travel again. I think about the first time I saw the sea - I was in the 4th grade and had moved to Santa Cruz, CA from Kansas….a long way from any ocean! I remember the smell of the seaweed, the foggy air and the cold sand between my toes. I remember the first time I went to Europe - to Germany to live for a year - an incredible eye opening look at the world through the eyes of a small town Kansas girl. All the things were so unfamiliar - the sights, sounds, smells, language, culture……. and I loved it. I explored so many countries in Europe that year - giving me but a taste of what the world has to offer. I haven’t stopped traveling since. I have a job where I travel; my company is based in a different city from where I live. Not everyone would love this, but there’s something so special to me about touching down in a new city and seeing what it has to offer; seeking a “local” experience in a new place, breathing in the DIFFERENT.
I also am experiencing the sweetness of being home for extended periods of time; I’m glad to know that my partner doesn’t drive me insane, that I still love to cook and bake, and that I am able to clean my own house (not that I necessarily want to….) BUT that there is beauty in the experience of making your own space beautiful and clean. The pause I have been taking is lovely in many ways, but boy do I miss the travel. I miss seeing my friends and colleagues, I miss the hugs on the street when I see a neighbor, I miss seeing Zach, and I even miss the airplanes! I know the time will come when much of that life returns, and I’m sure then we will reminisce about “that three month period where we all stayed home”…. because there is so much good in this time too. The stillness is also beautiful, the social distancing “happy hours” 10 feet apart in the driveway or via Zoom, reading more books, watching more movies, experimenting in the kitchen (going to try sourdough bread today!), and even cleaning out closets. Living in the here and now is truly the only way to get through all of this; finding the joy in the small moments; appreciating what IS. I will try to keep my heightened sense of onism at bay for now, and embrace my inner homebody.